So I have decided that today is the day that I will give you guys an insight into what I’m doing in my life right now and how I came to be here:)
So right now, I am in the middle of an induction week. I have decided to study Adult nursing in Queen’s University, Belfast. This decision wasn’t an easy decision to make. I had already been to college and unfortunately things didn’t quite go to plan.
I studied science in Trinity. I took the course because I was offered it although I didn’t really know if it was what I wanted. I never felt truly ‘at home’ in Trinity and this had nothing to do with the people there! I was very fortunate to have lived with fabulous girls whom I’m still great friends with. I also met fellow students who are now friends for life. I got heavily involved with the ladies rugby team and I did make an effort to get in to the college experience. And reflecting back on my college years there, I enjoyed first and second year, it was in third year that things fell apart. I had specialised in chemistry, which I had enjoyed as a subject but I quickly realised that it was not a field that I wanted to specialise in. I also had to deal with a family illness and things just ‘went south’. I failed and I repeated the year only to fail again. And so I left.
Now some of you may be reading this and saying ‘you tit, why didn’t you just switch specialities?’ and the answer to that is that I am too dam stubborn. I just couldn’t switch but a valuable lesson was learnt- if you are doing something or you’re somewhere that you don’t feel comfortable with, then leave. I regret being a sheep and following the crowd. I wish I had the courage then to just take a year out and work and travel. I wish I could have gone back to the days when I didn’t give two sh*ts what everyone else was doing. But I’m slowly starting to do that (that’ll be another blog post) hence why I’m now studying nursing.
So when I failed again I said ‘feck it’ and withdrew from college and moved back home. That was a particularly difficult time and I’ll discuss that at a later stage. I got a job and worked for the past 16 months as a cleaner in a factory. It wasn’t a job that I hated but I wanted something more fulfilling and I knew it had to be in the medical field. I’m still not sure why I decided nursing was for me, all I can say is that for the first time in a long time, I now feel like I am where I’m meant to be and I feel really comfortable in college. I’m feeling determined and confident that I am going to succeed.
So the take home message or moral of the blog is to listen to your body when it’s telling you that you’re in the wrong place. Too many of us follow the crowd when we should follow the beating of our own heart and do what makes us truly happy.
So it has taken me three weeks to write another post but I was unsure of where to begin. People often say that you should just start and never mind thinking, but my problem was that I didn’t even know where to begin. I didn’t know what part of me I wanted to commence changing. Was I to start with a physical or mental change?
But that all changed when I came across this quote:
I realised upon reading this quote, that this is where my journey needed to begin, for I began to notice that I spend a lot of my time focusing on the bad things that have happened and the opportunities I missed. My attention is often focused on my friends and their progress in their careers and their lives in general. They’ve finished college and are working. The majority are in a relationship and some are engaged. They’ve moved out of home and moved on with their lives. And yet here I am, someone who had a lot going for them when in school, but is now working a low-paying job and living at home. Reading this quote however, made me stop and think about how I was thinking. I acknowledged the negative way that I focused my thoughts and made a vow to change. If it wasn’t for my very generous and loving parents I wouldn’t have a roof over my head. If it wasn’t for my job I wouldn’t be able to save enough money to put me through college again. Being jealous of other people’s lives is normal but it’s important to note and remember that the life I live could make other people jealous too.
So in light of my recent epiphany, I have decided to get a gratitude journal. It’s nothing fancy, just a copy that I wasn’t using and every day for the next 14 days, I am going to write down 3 things in the morning and in the evening for which I am grateful for. For example, this morning I wrote that I am grateful for :
- the sun shining
- having pancakes for breakfast
- having a solid 8 hour sleep
I’m choosing to do this for 14 days as science says that it takes 14 days to make a habit and it also takes the same length of time to notice a change in yourself. It is gratitude that makes you happy and I am hoping that by starting this new habit, I will become more grateful and in turn more happy in myself.
Next week I will write a short blog post on how I get on with the gratitude journal:)
Why blogging? Honestly I have no real answer other than I think it’s a good idea. Do I have anything worthwhile or different to add, I don’t know. What I do know however, is that I’m willing to try.
I’ve had some pretty shit things happen to me, especially in the past 2/3 years. I know what it feels like to wake up in the mornings and just wanting to roll over to sleep the day away because the thoughts of facing the day was unbearable. I know what it feels like to want to run away in the opposite direction from people because you don’t want to engage in any human contact whatsoever. I have failed at life, college, friendships and family and yet I keep fighting back. I refuse to be kept down. Yes it gets tiresome. You become frustrated when you wake up in the morning and you have that feeling which tells you that you have a tough mental battle ahead of you today. But I just remember that it is just a feeling and like time, this feeling too shall pass. It won’t hang around forever even if it often feels like it does.
It’s been a two year battle and I have now reached a point where I want to start improving and taking control of my mental health and my physical health. My mental and physical health are entwined, hence why I hope to improve them together. Right now I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do this but my goal for this week is to come up with a plan and see how it goes.I’ll do up another blog post at the weekend detailing my plan and how I’m going to implement it.
If you have any questions feel free to shoot me an email on firstname.lastname@example.org 🙂